A difficult task ahead
by tangledupinmist
Summary: Shelagh and Patrick want to announce their engagement to Sister Julienne - but how will she react? And how does the couple feel about this difficult task?


"Is he asleep?" Shelagh asked Patrick, who entered the living room.

"Yes, he is. Before he told me, all excited, about getting an A for his English assignment. He has never before gotten an A in English. Thanks to you, he said", Patrick smiled at his fiancée.

"Oh, I only gave him some little assistance, he did most of it himself, really", Shelagh replied modestly.

"No, no, I can see what you did there. He isn't that much of a writer, I suppose. Takes after me in that", Patrick chuckled and sat down next to her. "So apart from this, how was your day, dear?" he addressed Shelagh, thankfully accepting a cup of tea she had poured for him while he had entered the room.

"Umm, quite calm really. After the many things I did those past days, it was quite nice to not have a long list of things to do."

After a longer pause, she shyly glanced at Patrick "I can't believe that it is only ten days. Ten days since I was discharged from the sanatorium…. And here we are, together", she smiled.

Patrick reciprocated her smile, his even bigger. "Me too. And I can't believe either that it is barely a week since you accepted my marriage proposal." He took her hands into his, gently brushing her modest engagement ring with his right thumb. "I could not be happier, Shelagh, and I mean it."

"Me too", she whispered, breathing out. After a long moment had passed, she carefully asked "Patrick?"

"What is it, dear?", he inquired, slightly worried at what it might be that was troubling her.

"I saw on your pile of letters on the mantelpiece that you, too, received the invitation to Freddie Noakes' christening."

Patrick immediately knew what was bothering her. "You are not sure whether to attend it or not?" he asked.

He had not yet opened the letter, only assumed from the sender what its content was. He had supposed they would attend the christening together - now that they were an engaged couple, planning to be married within weeks, they would have to appear in public together sooner or later anyway. He suddenly felt utterly insensitive not having anticipated the worry the affair seemed to cause Shelagh.

"Well, I think I would like to. Given the circumstances of his birth and that I do like Chummy and Sergeant Noakes very much. But…" she paused again.

"… you are afraid of facing the nurses and the Sisters in particular", Patrick completed her thought.

"Yes, I am. I …" she stopped, intensely gazing at her hands.

"Would you do me the honour to accompany me and Timothy for the occasion?" Patrick quietly asked her. He felt unsure exactly what to say that might made her feel more comfortable.

"Well, that is my worry, Patrick", Shelagh slowly began. "Of course, I would like to attend the Christening with you. I will always want to be with you. But we have not yet officially announced our engagement. And if we are going to appear there together, everyone will stare at us. This would not be fair to little Freddy. It should be his day really."

"So what is your suggestion then? Would you want to go on your own then? Or should we both go but try to stay out of each other's way? Though I have to admit I would have a hard time watching you from afar only", he added teasingly.

"No, this is not what I want", Shelagh reached out for his left hand, squeezing it lightly with both of hers. "I very much want to go together with you and Timothy. It is just… now this makes it a more urgent matter, announcing our engagement. The date for the Christening is a week from tomorrow already. And I … it still is all so new and I was rather content to keep it between the three of us for a while."

"I understand", Patrick replied slowly. "I assume you will want to see Sister Julienne in order to spread the news?"

Shelagh sighed. This was exactly what she had intended and she was grateful for Patrick to understand her so well. "Yes, I should go and speak to her. I am sure she will be willing to tell the others."

"Let me come along", Patrick said firmly. "This is not something you should do on your own. After all, this is about our mutual decision and our upcoming life together. I want to be there to support you."

He lifted her left hand slightly, smiling at the sight of the ring he had slipped on it just about one week ago – the sign of their mutual love and commitment. He placed a light kiss on her palm as he had done countless times since the day she had told him that she could not be more certain.

Patrick knew how guilty Shelagh felt towards her former Sisters for leaving the order and he could not stand to see her in pain. But he also knew that he could not spare her this; this was a direction she had to found out about herself. After all, it was only about ten days since she had become Shelagh Mannion again after having lived as Sister Bernadette for a whole decade. Patrick could only imagine the enormity of her inner conflicts, although he never questioned her love to him after spending almost every evening of the past week with her next to him on his sofa, talking about their lives and expectations and their feelings toward each other.

"Yes, I would like that. Although it is me who will have to speak to her", Shelagh said meekly.

"When would you like to go?"

"The sooner the better, I assume", she sighed. "It is Friday tomorrow. Sister Julienne should be at her office doing the planning for next week's rota in the morning. We might be able to quickly pop in just after 8.30. Then everyone else will be out on their rounds. That is if you can find the time?" Shelagh looked at him.

"I will find the time", Patrick said firmly. "I can easily postpone my morning rounds for an hour."

"Well then, we should go there tomorrow", Shelagh said.

Thus it came that one cold and windy Friday morning in November, two very nervous people rang the doorbell of Nonnatus House. Shelagh had hardly said a word since Patrick had picked her up from her boarding house about twenty minutes ago. At first, he had tried to talk over the silence but soon decided it would be best to leave her to her thoughts. He noticed her shivering and asked himself whether it was caused by the sharp autumn wind blowing through Poplar or her being nervous because of what lay ahead of them.

He had just placed his hand on her arm, squeezing it in affirmation, when Sister Julienne opened the door. Her face showed her surprise finding her former Sister together with Dr. Turner on the doorstep, his hand firmly placed on the young woman's arm.

It suddenly struck Sister Julienne with clarity that Dr. Turner must have played his part in the former Sister Bernadette's agony everyone at Nonnatus House had witnessed during the months before she had left the convent and perhaps in her decision to leave the religious life.

Sister Julienne smiled politely. "Shelagh, Dr. Turner. Well, this is a surprise. Please come in." She ushered the couple inside, trying to conceal her surprise. She noticed how Dr. Turner let Shelagh enter first, gently brushing the small of her back with his hand. "Let us go through to my office", Sister Julienne said, letting her visitors step forward so as to allow herself a moment to gather her thoughts.

She watched the couple as Dr. Turner took first Shelaghs's coat, then shucked off his own and hung both on the coat rack. Sister Julienne saw how he gave Shelagh an intense look, full of love. She suddenly felt like an intruder because their mutual affection was so very apparent.

Sister Julienne vaguely recalled the evening Dr. Turner had asked to speak to Sister Bernadette in private. Something about his question had alerted Sister Julienne then, although she could not put her finger on what it was. Now she could. It was love, a very apparent mutually felt love and devotion.

Still standing at the entrance door, Sister Julienne lightly shook her head and took a deep breath before moving toward her office, arriving just when Dr. Turner and Shelagh were about to enter. "Please, have a seat", she said. "Can I offer you a cup of tea?". "No, thank you, Sister", Shelagh said quietly, almost whispering, "we do not wish to keep you for long."

All three people sat down and Sister Julienne looked expectantly at the two people sitting in front of her. "So what brings you here?" she asked. She noticed how Shelagh's hands laid in her lap, knuckles white because they were gripped together so tightly. Dr. Turner reached out and placed his right hand on Shelaghs hands, causing the young woman to slightly relax and release her tight grip.

"I… we…" Shelagh began slowly and swallowed before continuing, "we would like to inform you that, .. that Dr. Turner and I are engaged to be married." She swallowed again and took a deep breath, looking at Sister Julienne with wide eyes.

Sister Julienne, who due to her observing the two for the past few minutes had suspected an announcement along this line, showed a look of surprise, but also a wide smile. "Well, this is … news… wonderful news, I shall say", she said, getting up from her chair, walking towards Shelagh and embracing her. "Congratulations my dear friend". She then held out her hand to Dr. Turner, "And congratulations to you, too, doctor."

The Sister went around her desk again, sat down and said with more spirit than she intended: "Well, forgive me when I say that this comes as quite a surprise, albeit a wonderful one, I shall add. If there are two people deserving happiness, it is clearly the two of you."

She watched Shelagh taking another breath and Dr. Turner tightening his grip on the young woman's hands. "I… Shelagh said, and continued, speaking very slowly, "Sister, I would like to assure you that nothing…. untoward… happened while… while I still was a sister of the order. We… well, it all seems to go very fast. We do wish to keep our engagement private still. We have not yet told anyone but we wanted you and the other Sisters and nurses to know. Before…. well, before we are going to attend little Freddie's christening next week."

"Shelagh, Dr. Turner, if I ever knew two people of utmost integrity, these would be you", Sister Julienne replied with a firm voice. "Please do not believe I would judge either of you. I can see how you appreciate each other and I do believe that you make a wonderful couple." She paused. "If you allow me the question, have you set a date yet?"

Shelagh and Dr. Turner briefly looked each other, then Patrick said: "We thought about Christmas evening." "Well, if you wish, we would be very pleased to offer you Nonnatus House for your wedding reception." Sister Julienne said.

"This is very kind of you", Shelagh replied quickly, "but we want to keep it a quiet wedding, just the two of us and Timothy, really."

"Oh, I see", the older woman said. Neither of them spoke for a while, until Shelagh said "Sister, we no longer want to keep you, we only came to tell you about our news."

Sister Julienne nodded as Shelagh and Dr. Turner got up from their chairs. She stood up, too, walking around her desk and taking Shelagh's hands into hers, squeezing them in affirmation. "Shelagh, I am very happy for you. You deserve happiness and love and I am glad that you have found it. Please feel free to come by any time, we miss you here."

Shelagh smiled shyly and took a deep breath. "Thank you, sister, you are very kind." She smiled a sad smile and then slowly turned towards Dr. Turner who placed his hand on his fiancée's back, ushering her out of the office. When he was about to step outside himself, Sister Julienne addressed him: "You, too, Dr. Turner, deserve happiness and love and I am glad that you have found it. We have been praying for you and Timothy for a long time and I am truly happy for you, for all of you. And I trust that you will take good care of our Shelagh."

"Thank you, sister" Patrick replied meekly, only now becoming aware of his own tension, "your blessing means a lot to both of us." Sister Julienne smiled in affirmation and watched how Patrick first helped Shelagh into her coat and then put on his own.

* * *

After having seen out Shelagh and Dr. Turner, Sister Julienne closed the entrance door and returned to her office, where she sat down and lost herself in her thoughts instead of going back to work immediately. She thought about her own love, a love long gone, which she had eventually declined in favour of her calling. Now seeing her former sister finding the joy she herself might have had once made her think again about her younger self and the path she had not chosen back then.

Sister Julienne suddenly shook her head. No use thinking about the past right now. But she could not stop thinking about the unlikely couple that had just sat before her. Thinking about it, they were not so very unlikely at all, she realized.

She could see what attracted them to each other. Both were very skilled medical professionals and both always put care for their patients first. Both were compassionate and kind and thus kindred spirits. She had prayed for each of the two to find joy in their lives - not that she had ever imagined they might find it together.

The Sisters had been praying for Dr. Turner and Timothy ever since Mrs. Turner had fallen ill and eventually died. Likewise, Sister Julienne had been praying for Sister Bernadette who had been so troubled for a long time and now for Shelagh to find guidance during her way back into a worldly life.

How had it happened, Sister Julienne wondered. She believed Shelagh's affirmation that nothing indecent had happened between her and Dr. Turner while the young woman still was a member of the order. She was also sure Dr. Turner, who never showed anything but gentlemanly conduct towards the Sisters and nurses, would ever have crossed the boundary of decency. Sister Julienne assumed that the feelings the couple shared must have been developing for quite some time and that this process must have been part of her former Sister's agony during the bigger part of the past year.

Sister Julienne also remembered how distracted Dr. Turner had often seemed during the past few months – ever since he had diagnosed Sister Bernadette with TB, she now realized. He must have fought his own demons about having fallen in love with a nun, she thought.

Sister Julienne sighed. Enough of this, there was a large pile of paperwork to be completed before noon, so she better get to it, she thought and opened the administrations book in front of her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Shelagh and Patrick sat in Patrick's car, still parked in front of Nonnatus House, Patrick cradling Shelagh's right hand with both of his. "So how do you feel now?" Patrick asked. "Any better?"

Shelagh sighed. "I don't know. I only know that I do no longer belong here. But I do not quite know yet how to relate to Sister Julienne right now."

"You will find a way", he said in an appeasing tone. "I believe she is genuinely happy for us. Why don't we have a cup of tea at the surgery before I go on my rounds and continue this talk. That is if you would like to?" he asked.

"Patrick, I'd rather not", Shelagh said, looking at him sadly. "I think I would like to have some time alone. And besides, I'd rather not delay you anymore. I prefer you being home for dinner in time tonight and I think Tim would appreciate this, too."

"As you please, dear", Patrick said, firing the engine. "Would you like me to take you back to your lodgings?"

"No, just take me with you to the surgery and I will walk back home. Some air will be good now."

"All right then", Patrick said and pressed his lips together. He suddenly felt a bout of fear manifesting itself in his stomach. Did all that had happened during the past ten days now overwhelm her? What if all of this was too much, too quickly for her? Just one week before, proposing to her only a few days after they had made their start on the road near the sanatorium, had seemed the only logical step. After all, since both of them were certain, so why wait any longer? But perhaps she was now having second thoughts, realizing that she felt rushed by how quickly he wanted everything to happen.

Only a few minutes later, Patrick parked the car in front of his surgery, climbed out and helped Shelagh out, too. "Thank you for coming with me. This has meant a lot." She looked at him with misty eyes, and he had to fight the urge to take her into his arms. He resisted, though, since they were standing out in the street.

As soon as the news of their engagement would become public, this would yet add fuel to the gossip, he knew. Already, word of Sister Bernadette having left the convent had spread around Poplar. And as Patrick had sadly overheard more than once at clinic and during his rounds over the past days, people were guessing rather wildly about her possible reasons. He fiercely wanted to protect her from all those speculations but he knew that eventually she would have to live with it until the gossips would find another topic.

"Of course, I will do anything for you", Patrick said, brushing her arms with affection. "I will try to be home in time for dinner. Will you be there?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" Shelagh asked startled.

"You… you said you needed some time. But I will be happy to see you. More than happy." He had a hard time letting her go, but knew that she needed her time to think.

Inside the building, Patrick turned and looked through the half-closed door after his fiancée walking down the road, turning around the next corner. His heart jumped at the thought of her being his wife in only a little more than one month. At the same time, the sting of doubt that had pierced him just a moment returned, even more fiercely this time.

What if he had rushed her and she only now realized it? What if she needed her time only to think about how to tell him that she could not marry him? He shivered. Patrick thought about the many nights he had not been able to fall asleep, thinking about this woman, still a nun back then, and how much he desired to be with her. He had thought this agony being over but suddenly felt cold fear overcoming him at the possibility she might still renounce him.

He took a deep breath and closed the door. He had a long list of calls to attend to before his lunch break, so he better start, he thought.

* * *

About two hours later, all Sisters and nurses, save Nurse Lee who still was attending a birth, sat at the table at Nonnatus House, waiting for Sister Julienne to say grace and begin with their lunch. After grace, Sister Julienne asked for attention. "There is an announcement I would like to pass on", she said. All faces then looked at her curiously.

"It is about Shelagh, our former Sister Bernadette. As you know she is still staying here in Poplar and she came by this morning to share the news of her engagement."

Sister Julienne paused, looking around into faces all in awe. "What? How?" Sister Evangelina panted. "Getting married so soon after leaving the order?"

"Who is the lucky man?" Nurse Franklin asked, her voice louder than she intended out of surprise.

"Well, we all know him rather well", Sister Julienne carried on hesitantly. "He came with her and I can assure you I have rarely met two people who make a better match. It is Dr. Turner."

"Dr. Turner? How dare he?" Sister Evangelina blurted out. "I always thought him a man of honour and decency." "And I am sure he is", the usually quiet Nurse Miller said.

"From what I observed, he is indeed", Sister Julienne added quickly. "As I said, I have hardly met a couple matching more perfectly than these two. And if you allow me this remark, they both seemed very much taken with each other, so I can assure you this is a most decent union and we should be happy for the two of them."

Sister Evangelina harrumphed in disagreement. She still had not overcome her feelings about her former Sister's renunciation of her vows and receiving the news that the young woman was about to get married to the local GP with whom they all worked side by side every day was more than she was ready to take in one instant.

Nurses Franklin and Miller bit their lips, glancing at each other, silently agreeing to have a chat about this later on, sensing that Sister Julienne wished to close the matter for now. Meanwhile, Sister Monica Joan, certainly thinking her own thoughts about the news, had already begun eating her lunch, secretly securing herself the largest slice of cake meant to be today's pudding.

* * *

"Dr. Turner, I cannot believe it", Trixie blurted out when she and Cynthia entered the garden after lunch had been finished, heading for the small bench they liked to spend their breaks on. "I mean, he of all men, he is so much older than her."

"I can see how well they match, though", Cynthia said quietly. "They are both very kind and compassionate. And they are very private and reserved people. So no wonder no one noticed anything."

"I wonder when it all started", Trixie said. "I mean, it's less than two weeks that she left us here and they are already engaged? So there must have been something before."

"Well, I don't think there must have been "something", Cynthia added slowly. "I mean, maybe they just began to care about each other, without anything really happening."

"This was not what I meant", Trixie replied. "I mean, I cannot see either of them doing anything... well, indecent. But don't you wonder how and when all of this developed? Thinking of it, he was behaving rather strange during all the time she had been ill and away in the sanatorium" she added after a pause. "They must have realized then that being apart was not what they wanted, perhaps?"

"She became quite close to Timothy this past year, I think", Cynthia said slowly. "He was here sometimes when she was not on call and she helped him with his homework."

"And the three-legged-race, the summer fete", Trixie added. "Maybe they grew close over Timothy."

"Who grew close over Timothy?" Jenny Lee, chewing on a sandwich, asked curiously, while approaching her colleagues.

"Oh Jenny, you missed the most exciting news today", Trixie exclaimed. "You'll never guess who is getting married!"

"Well, if Timothy has anything to do with it, I suppose it will be Dr. Turner?" Jenny asked with a grin.

"But you will never guess the bride to be", Trixie added.

"No, I have no idea. Tell me."

"It's Shelagh, our former Sister Bernadette", Trixie said.

"What?" Jenny shouted, "Shelagh? Why? How? You are kidding me."

"No, she is serious", Cynthia joined the conversation. "Sister Julienne told us over lunch."

"Well, this explains something", Jenny said, " You know, yesterday at the Henderson's, I noticed that Dr. Turner is no longer wearing his wedding band. We met there while on our rounds - I checked on Maureen and the twins and he was there to see old Mr. Henderson. When he held one of the babies I noticed that something was different - it was the wedding band, or rather the lack of it. I thought maybe he finally had gotten over the death of his wife. But apparently there is another reason, too." Jenny smiled.

"Now ladies, if you don't mind interrupting me, how about you get ready for the afternoon rounds", the stern voice of Sister Evangelina interrupted their talk and the three nurses quickly went inside to back their bags and leave for their rounds.

* * *

Patrick stood in front of his flat. The icy wind that had blown all day had developed into a veritable autumn storm and he froze, yet hesitated to go inside. What if she was not there? What if she was there but had changed her mind?

Doubt had been his companion all day and the more he thought about what kind of second thoughts Shelagh could possibly have, the worse it got.

He pushed himself to open the door. He would disappoint Timothy if he was running late even more, as it was already well past dinner time. Patrick got rid of his shoes and coat and placed his bag on the floor under the coat rack.

When he entered the dining room, a heavy weight dropped off his chest. Shelagh and Timothy were sitting at the dining table, a mug of Horlicks in front of each, playing a card game. Timothy was already wearing his pyjamas, making Patrick realize how very late he must have run.

"I am sorry. I said I would be home for dinner but I was called out to a delivery. Forceps and stitches required. But apart from that, mother and baby girl are well now", he said in an apologizing tone.

"It's all right, dad. We already had dinner and I had my bath. Shelagh said I could stay up to wait for you since it's a Saturday tomorrow."

"I hope this is all right, Patrick", Shelagh added quickly.

"Of course it is", he said, approaching the two of them, greeting his son with a pat on the back and his fiancée with a kiss on her cheek.

"I kept you a plate in the oven, let me get it for you", Shelagh said and rushed into the kitchen. When she returned, Patrick had sat down at the table and smiled upon seeing the plate full of food.

"Did you prepare this?" he asked? "I could get used to this."

"Me too", Timothy added eagerly. "I really like your cooking" the boy beamed at Shelagh.

He and Shelagh had grown close over the past year. And now, since she spent much of her free time with him after he came home from school, they were yet getting closer and Timothy was looking forward to her joining their family very soon.

"Thank you, Timothy. And I like that you like it and always clear your plate. This is the best praise for the cook", Shelagh laughed.

Patrick smiled watching his fiancée and his son. She did not seem to be worried; rather happy and very relaxed. He felt his tension slowly ease off.

After Patrick had cleared his plate, the Horlicks had been drunken and the game set aside, he decided that it was now time for bed for Timothy. Father and son went to the boy's room, while Shelagh cleared the table and washed the dishes.

She sat on the sofa, flipping through a medical journal, when Patrick entered the living room. He paused at the door, enjoying the sight of Shelagh comfortably sitting on his sofa, soon to be theirs; shoes neatly placed on the floor and legs pulled up next to her. She looked up and met his glance. With a smile she said: "Come sit with me", while putting her feet back on the floor.

Patrick sat down next to her. He was unsure what to do next, still not completely rid of his doubt. "Shelagh, about this morning, is there anything you would like to talk about?" he said, almost whispering.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "I mean, no, I think it went well. I still do not feel comfortable when meeting Sister Julienne, if this is what you mean. But she seemed to take our news very positively which is relieves me."

"No, I mean, after that. You were so quiet and you said you needed time alone." He paused while Shelagh looked at him with an inquiring look. "I … I was thinking maybe, maybe you had… second thoughts?"

"Oh Patrick, how could you ever think something like this?" Shelagh asked surprised, taking his hands into hers. "No, dear, you need not worry about this. Never. How could I have any second thoughts about you? I will never take back that I said I could not be more certain."

"Good", he exclaimed "because I still am completely certain and this will never change, too."

Shelagh smiled. "I am sorry if I gave you this impression. It is just… I just felt overwhelmed by meeting Sister Julienne. I… I was very nervous. I could not tell how she would react. And I am truly relieved at how she did. But I still am confused and I still do feel that I betrayed my former Sisters by choosing you and Timothy over them. And I am sure they feel that way, too. When you take a vow, it is meant to last a lifetime." She stopped.

"Shelagh, please don't do this to you. Do not torment yourself like this." Patrick said. "I got the impression that Sister Julienne is genuinely happy for you, for both of us. And I believe she does want to see you more often. She wants to be your friend, now that you are not Sisters anymore."

"Maybe, but … it is very hard. I cannot describe it, but I feel very particular about all of this."

"I am just so glad that we are here now, the two of us", Patrick said in a low voice. "After all that has happened, this dream has come true and we have us."

"Yes, dear", Shelagh said. "I would not want to be with anyone else." They looked into each other's eyes, forgetting everything around them, any gloomy thought that may have haunted them the past day. After a long moment, their faces moved towards each other, lips joining in a long, gentle kiss.

When they parted again, both smiled at each other. "We are getting better, aren't we?" Shelagh giggled. "Yes, we are", Patrick beamed at her.


End file.
